


The Viewing

by HamilFamBam (ThatOneGirl346)



Series: Hamilton Fam Bam Texting [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Poor Alexander Hamilton, Texting, they're all dramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:22:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirl346/pseuds/HamilFamBam
Summary: Little Lion - HAMILTONLittle Lion - HAMILTONTJeffs - PLEASE CALM YOUR CHILDTJeffs - HE’S SITTING ON MY SHOULDERS AND BOUNCING THIS NOT FUN HE HAS ALMOST FALLEN LIKE SEVEN TIMESJohnny Appleseed - Lexie calm downMWash - Alex please calm down so that we don’t have to make a trip to the hospitalLittle Lion - okay.Little Lion - buT ALSOLittle Lion - ITS HAMILTONLittle Lion - ITS ABOUT MEEEEE
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, George Washington/Martha Washington, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: Hamilton Fam Bam Texting [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815370
Comments: 60
Kudos: 156





	1. Act l

**Author's Note:**

> Okay it hasn't been a week and normally I try to keep it kinda even but like, I was e x c i t e d okay.
> 
> ALSO I would like to not that I know you can't like, use your phone in a theater because like, lotsa issues but we're pretending that either it isn't a problem or they're sitting in a place where no one can sit which makes like no sense but also shhhh we need p l o t 
> 
> ANYwayS! I hope you liked it!!! I didn't want to do like a "Hamilton reacts to Hamilton" because one, that's a lot of e f f o r t that I am not willing to put in plus like, it wouldn't work that well ya know?? But like, I wanted their reactions so this happened.
> 
> OH YEAH Some of the texts are for different lines then the one originally stated but like, if it's in time with the song then it makes sense and I know that's kinda sucky writing but also like,,,,,,,,, shhhhh,,,,,,,,,

**Fam Bam Group Chat**

**Little Lion -** HAMILTON

**Little Lion -** HAMILTON

**Little Lion -** HAMILTON

**Little Lion -** HAMILTON

**TJeffs -** PLEASE CALM YOUR CHILD

**TJeffs -** HE’S SITTING ON MY SHOULDERS AND BOUNCING THIS NOT FUN HE HAS ALMOST FALLEN LIKE SEVEN TIMES

**Johnny Appleseed -** Lexie calm down

**MWash -** Alex please calm down so that we don’t have to make a trip to the hospital

**Little Lion -** okay.

**Little Lion -** buT ALSO

**Little Lion -** ITS HAMILTON

**Little Lion -** ITS ABOUT MEEEEE

**Aaron Burr Sir -** You do know that its not actually about you right

**Little Lion -** wow Aaron Buzzkill over here

**Aaron Burr Sir -** wow so original and creative

**Little Lion -** shUT UP ITS ABOUT TO START JEFFERSON PUT ME DOWNNNNNNNNN

**TJeffs -** where are you sitting dumbass?

**Little Lion -** on johns lap

**Little Lion -** he’s in the middle

**Little Lion -** it gives me the best stop to move from lap to lap as I please

**Real Sia -** why can’t you use like, your voice words??

**TJeffs -** this lady gave me a weird look and I was s c a r e d

**Little Lion -** s a m e 

**JMads -** oh god

**JMads -** this is going to be a long three hours isn’t it

**Johnny Appleseed -** With the Frizz? No way!

**JMads -** that confirmation enough wow okay this is going to be bad

**Little Lion -** whats the Frizz?

**God? -** OH MY GOD ALEX HASN’T SEEN THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS

**Bebie Schuyler -** I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

**MWash -** okay all of you need to shut up I have s o m u c h purse snacks who wants things?!

**Little Lion -** DID YOU BRING DINOSAUR NUGGETS LIKE LAST TIME?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!!?!?

**MWash -** of course

**MWash -** who do you think i am??

**Little Lion -** CAN I HAVE THEM PLEASE

**Little Lion -** PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PEELASEPLEASE

**Little Lion -** YAY!!!!!

**French Fry -** if you don’t share these I will cry

**Little Lion -** OF COURSE I’M GOING TO SHARE WHAT DO YOU THINK THESE LAST TWO YEARS HAVE MEANT TO ME??!

**Little Lion -** not sharing my dino nuggets with the loves of my life

**Little Lion -** who does he think I am??

**GWash -** the shows starting shut up

_ How does a bastard orphan son of a whore and a Scotsman _

**Little Lion -** MY MOTHER WAS NOT A WHORE I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOUR BITCH ASS SELF BURR

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I’m?? Not?? Actually? Saying?? That???

**Little Lion -** also i wasn’t that poor

**God? -** yes you were you literally asked me why the dollar store was so expensive one time

**Little Lion -** rude

**Mario.A -** did that actually happen?

**Little Lion -** yeah something I wrote got published and they paid for my boat ride because apparently I was smart even though they literally didn’t care before I got published but okay those fake ass bitches who also kind of saved my life but I also hate because they were fucking asshole

**Little Lion -** ANYWAYS BACK TO THE MUSICAL

**Little Lion -** fuck i hate this already

**Bebie Schuyler -** I’m so sorry that happened Alex

**TJeffs -** at least you had your cousin?

_ The cousin committed suicide _

**TJeffs -** I’m so sorry

**Little Lion -** IF SOMEONE DOESN’T CUDDLE ME RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO CRY

_ In New York you can be a new man _

**Little Lion -** I FUCKING COULD MOTHERUCKERS 

**Little Lion -** okay sorry I’ll shut up now

_ Pardon me are you Aaron Burr Sir  _

**Aaron Burr Sir -** that is literally the first thing alex said to me when we meet this is fucking creepy

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I WAS NERVOUS IT WAS C R E E P Y 

**Angel Schuyler -** Didn’t alex actually punch someone?

**Little Lion -** FUCK YEAH I DID

**MWash -** my husband just let out the biggest sigh ever what have you done to him Alex

**Mario.A -** I’m sorry about your parents

**Aaron Burr Sir -** don’t be

_ Talk less _

**Johnny Appleseed -** lmao there is no way to make alex talk less

**Lizard Schuyler -** okay my phone is vibrating enough right now to be a fucking vibrator

**Lizard Schuyler -** s t a h p

_ I walk these streets famished _

**Little Lion -** lmao i really do

**Little Lion -** okay sorry Liza I’ll stop now

_ Oh, anarchy! _

**French Fry -** was my English bad like that?

**GWash -** yes

**French Fry -** oh.

_ I got y’all knuckleheads in loco parentis _

**Little Lion -** that basically means like, assuming the role of a parent

**Little Lion -** it’s so true

**Bebie Schuyler -** Mom Friend Hercules

_ Laurens I like you a lot _

**Johnny Appleseed -** those were literally the first things he said to us lmao

_ I imagine death so much it feels like a memory _

**Angel Schuyler -** please tell me thats not real

**Little Lion -** wow okay my therapist is going to be shook

**Angel Schuyler -** alEX

_ They’ll tell the story of tonight _

**Bebie Schuyler -** this is really gay and v e r y r e a l

**Mario.A -** THAT LOOK

**Mario.A -** okay for real the gay subtext has become regular text at this point

_ Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy! _

**Bebie Schuyler -** ITS US AND WE LOOK FABULOUS 

**Lizard Schuyler -** FUCK YES

**Angel Schuyler -** HELL YEAH WE FUCKING DO

_ I’m a trust fund baby you can trust me _

**Real Sia -** Aaron Can’t Flirt ™

**Aaron Burr Sir -** wow okay I’m not that bad

**Real Sia -** yes you are

_ Oceans rise, empires fall _

**TJeffs -** okay the musician inside of me is s c r e a m i n g

**TJeffs -** that crescendo then diminuendo was literally p e r f e c t i o n 

**JMads -** lmao nerd

_ George Washington! _

**Lizard Schuyler -** GWash takes his big debut and he’s fucking killing it

**Real Sia -** so true fam

_ Dying is easy young man, living is harder _

**Johnny Appleseed -** that was some deep shit right there

**Angel Schuyler -** it fucking was

_ How does a bastard orphan son of a whore _

**Little Lion -** back at it again with the insults

**Little Lion -** I see how it is

**Little Lion -** lets fight mother fucker

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I’m literally not the one insulting you but okay

_ We’re reliable with the ladies! _

**Little Lion -** this is fake news

**JMads -** lmao theo just snorted

**Little Lion -** I dated exactly one girl in my entire life and exactly nine days in she told me she was bisexual and had a crush on a person that was Not me and a girl and I was like "cool" and we broke up and we had a cake and everything

**Lizard Schuyler -** that was me lmao I met Maria like four days in and had a gay awakening

**Lizard Schuyler -** like, I was already like, “I think I’m bi” but then I met Maria and was like “Yeah I’m fucking bi”

**Mario.A -** wow I fucking love this woman so much

**Lizard Schuyler -** I love you too!

**God? -** lmao this is John trying so hard to be straight back in freshman year

**Johnny Appleseed -** I would disagree but like, its so true

_ Then you walked in and my heart went boom _

**Bebie Schuyler -** did you actually like him this much that quick?

**Lizard Schuyler -** like, I love him

**Lizard Schuyler -** and at first I thought it was romantic but like,

**Lizard Schuyler -** its more of like, he’s my little brother and I love him, type of love

**Little Lion -** I love you to Betsy 

**Lizard Schuyler -** I love you a little bit less every time you use that nickname

**Little Lion -** rude.

_ I don’t have a dollar to my name _

**Little Lion -** lmao that's so fucking true fam

**Little Lion -** I almost cried the other week because was hungry but there wasn’t a dollar store around and I have exactly two dollars and seven cents in my wallet

**Bebi Schuyler -** a l E x

_ *wedding* _

**God? -** OH MY GOD AM I THE FLOWER GIRL?!?

**God? -** IF ANY OF YOU GET MARRIED ANY TIME SOON YOU HAVE TO LET ME BE THE FLOWER GIRL

**Angel Schuyler -** I feel like the first people out of all of us to get married would be either you guys or theo and aaron so like, @aaron and theo how do you feel about this

**Real Sia -** FUCK YES MOTHERFUCKER I NEED THAT AT MY WEDDING

**Aaron Burr Sir -** oh god

_ That’s what I’m talking about _

**Johnny Appleseed -** am I like that when I’m drunk?

**French Fry -** yes

**Johnny Appleseed -** oh god

_ I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face _

**Angel Schuyler -** when I met Alex for the first time I literally just wanted to adopt him he looked like an actual lost puppy

**MWash -** sameeee

**Real Sia -** me too

**TJeffs -** Alex just like, attracted parental figures everywhere he goes

_ You strike me as a woman who’s never been satisfied _

**God? -** Alex Can’t Flirt ™

**Little Lion -** I’M NOT THAT BAD AT FLIRTING

**French Fry -** you really are

**Johnny Appleseed -** you were flirting with Laf once and you started crying half ways through and had to walk away to compose yourself

**Bebie Schuyler -** OKAY ALL OF YOU NEED TO SHUT UP YOU’RE MISSING ANGELICA MOMENT TO FUCKING S L A Y

_ Now that’s his bride _

**Real Sia -** lmao this was basically “he only wants me for my money and he’s probably going to cheat on me. I’ll introduce him to Eliza, see how that goes.”

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao Angelica is a fucking savage

**Angel Schuyler -** you know I would never do that in real life right?

**Lizard Schuyler -** of course I know that

_ I may not live to see out glory _

**Mario.A -** lmao they’re drunk out of their tits

**Lizard Schuyler -** they really are

_ She’s married _

**Bebie Schuyler -** Theo didn’t you have a boyfriend when they started seeing each other?

**Real Sia -** kinda?

**Real Sia -** he was overseas and honestly our relation wasn’t doing great anyways

**Real Sia -** we broke up like three months after Aaron and I started going out of dates but we weren’t officially dating

**Bebie Schuyler -** oooh makes sense

_ Hamilton’s pace is relentless he wastes no time _

**TJeffs -** I love that burr is like “you can’t control life or death and stuff. Of and you definitely can’t control hamilton”

**GWash -** he’s not wrong though

_ What is it like in his shoes _

**Johnny Appleseed -** it is small in his shoes

**Johnny Appleseed -** I was rushing and half asleep and I tried to put on a pair of his and it did Not work out for me

**Lizard Schuyler -** I did that with Peggy’s boots once

**Bebie Schuyler -** @alex small feet club

**Little Lion -** YASSSS

_ Alexander, you’re the closest friend I got _

JMads - g a y 

_ Don’t call me son _

**Mario.A -** angsty Alex

**Little Lion -** r u d e 

_ Call me son one more time! _

**Lizard Schuyler -** they both look like their about to c r y 

**God? -** Alex has Daddy Issues confirmed

**Johnny Appleseed -** Washington has a Problem Child confirmed

**Little Lion -** am I just going to be roasted this entire musical?

**MWash -** more than likely

_ Will you relish being a poor man’s wife? _

**Bebie Schuyler -** highkey I feel like this entire musical was made to call Alex out on being poor

**Little Lion -** it’s not wrong though lmao

_ I got to France for more funds _

**Johnny Appleseed -** HOLY SHIT LAF/JEFFERSON CAN YOU RAP THAT FAST IRL??

**French Fry -** I don’t know I’ve never tried

**TJeffs -** I tried like once back in middle school and I can rap kinda fast

**JMads -** that’s an under exaggeration literally none of us could come close to that fast

**Real Sia -** did you and your friends really spend their time figuring out who could rap the fastest??

**TJeffs -** 100%

**JMads -** we were bored one day and it just kinda happened

**Lizard Schuyler -** that’s a mood if I’ve ever seen one

_ Immigrants, we get the job done _

**French Fry -** FUCK YES

**Little Lion -** HELL YEAH WE DO

**God? -** I wasn’t included in that high five and honestly rude 

**French Fry -** we can high five now??

**God? -** fuck yes.

**Bebie Schuyler -** why are they like this??

**GWash -** I've been asking myself that question since the day I met them.

**Little Lion -** is john really the only non-immigrant in this relationship?

**Johnny Appleseed -** yes, yes I am

**Johnny Appleseed -** this has been brought up many times before because you all find it hilarious

_ When you knock me down I get the fuck back up again _

**God? -** wow okay that was very dramatic and I’m like 73.1% sure that I have said that when I was drunk once

**Lizard Schuyler -** you did I have it on video

**Mario.A -** mood

_ Tomorrow they’ll be more of us _

**Angel Schuyler -** is Alex okay?

**God? -** he’ll be okay in a minute hopefully he just needs some like, cuddle time with john and he should be okay

**French Fry -** death is like, a really hard thing for him because of his Past

**MWash -** fuck I’m giving him the biggest fucking hug at intermission

_ Talk for six hours _

**Johnny Appleseed -** his current record is 4 hours and 57 minutes straight before we made him stop to eat

**God? -** then when we were done eating he talked for exactly 1 hour and 32 minutes

_ Writes day and night like he’s running out of time _

**GWash -** he really does

**Johhny Appleseed -** you don’t live with him

**God? -** you don’t know all the times we’ve woken up to the click clack of his laptop

**French Fry -** we have to confiscate it a lot

**God? -** there’s a certain shelf that we put it on every time and he once tried standing on a chair and still couldn’t quite reach it 

**Johnny Appleseed -** its all fun in games till he starts crying and then we have to have mandatory cuddles

**Bebie Schuyler -** jesus christ alex


	2. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron Burr Sir - kill me
> 
> Little Lion - I guess you aren’t actually willing to ~wait for it~
> 
> Aaron Burr Sir - I regret the day we met so every day of my life.
> 
> Little Lion - r u d e  
> Little Lion - I am a delight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY this chapter mentions having to pee a lot because like, y e a h ,,,,,,,
> 
> If that grosses you out then just skip it there is like, zero necessary plot in it seeing as its about a short period of time so like ya. okay sorry.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING  
> there's a really mean man in this and Someone (not gonna say who) gets cornered in a bathroom but nothing bad happened other than that because like, the a.p.s. was there  
> If you need to skip it though there is three dots before it starts and after it ends so stay safe.  
> I don't care if this is like, a very vague trigger that probably won't affect most of you guys but like, if it could even slightly trigger someone its worth a mention because all y'all are important to me

**Fam Bam Group Chat**

**Little Lion -** I HAVE TO PEE SO BAD

**Little Lion -** I PHYSICALLY CAN’T MOVE H E L P 

**Little Lion -** IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE IS PUSHING ON MY BLADDER WITH A KNIFE

**Little Lion -** YaY! Hercules to the rescue!

**Little Lion -** M y s a v i o r !

**Johnny Appleseed -** you’re literally so dramatic we’re coming you couldn’t wait thirty seconds for us to get our bags before you started complaining?

**Little Lion -** BETRAYED BY MY OWN BOYFRIEND

Little **Lion -** and the answer is no, I could not wait.

**Mario.A -** heads up even the line for the men's room is fucking long

**JMads -** I assumed this and fucking r a n and am now saving a spot in line so hurry up

**Mario.A -** same run bitches run

**TJeffs -** Jemmy like, raise your hands or something we literally can’t see you you're short

**JMads -** I M J U M P I N G 

**French Fry -** I FOUND HIM FOLLOW ME

**Angel Schuyler -** why couldn’t you have just like, said that out loud?

**French Fry -** an usher gave me a weird look and I was scared,,,,

**Bebie Schuyler -** this usher lady is being really nice and reassuring that we’ll all be able to pee and if I didn’t have to pee this bad I would give her a hug

**Little Lion -** I literally am about to piss myself

**GWash -** we all know son.

**Little Lion -** MY FIRST REACTION WAS TO SAY DON’T CALL ME SON O H G O D 

**MWash -** iconic

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I would like to share that Washington just sighed really heavily and put his head in his hands

**Johnny Appleseed -** some dude just told us that we can’t cut in line

**French Fry -** and James was like 

**Little Lion -** I was saving their place

**God? -** but he was still like 

**French Fry -** “this is cutting”

**Little Lion -** and he called an usher over

**God? -** and Alex started crying about having to pee really bad

**Little Lion -** and the usher looked at us all

**Johnny Appleseed -** and was obviously very confused

**French Fry -** and just kind of shrugged and left

**Real Sia -** I hate it when you do that

**French Fry -** I t ‘ s 

**Johnny Appleseed -** o u r 

**Little Lion -** p o l y 

**God? -** p o w e r s

**Aaron Burr Sir -** kill me

**Little Lion -** I guess you aren’t actually willing to ~wait for it~

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I regret the day we met so every day of my life.

**Little Lion -** r u d e 

**Little Lion -** I am a delight

**Lizard Schuyler -** I hate being a woman why is this line so longgggg

**Little Lion -** don’t worry the line for the men’s room is just as long

**Little Lion -** if this line doesn’t move any faster I will pee on Hercules I am not afraid

**TJeffs -** for the girls who aren't here to see this

**TJeffs -** Hercules has a look of pure fear on his face

**TJeffs -** Lafayette and Laurens are literally doubled over laughing

**TJeffs -** and GWash looks so disappointed in us

**Real Sia -** o h g o d

**Bebie Schuyler -** Alex just brings out the disappointment in all of us

**Little Lion -** I would be offended but my need to pee is to great

**Little Lion -** OH MY GOD THE LINES MOVING BYE IM GOING TO PEE OUT ALL OF MY INSIDES

**…**

**Lizard Schuyler -** did? Did someone just? Scream?

**Johnny Appleseed -** that was Alex

**God? -** some dude literally watched him walk into a stall to pee and when he got out he like, cornered him and told him he can't just use the men's room because the lines shorter and Alex screamed cuz like, the man was a foot taller than him and m u s c u l a r

**Johnny Appleseed -** he also scoffed really meanly at Laf

**French Fry -** so like, Hercules and Thomas pulled the man out of the corner he pushed Alex in

**Johnny Appleseed -** Madison pulled him out of the corner and stuff

**God? -** Alex then washed his hands

**Johnny Appleseed -** then he bitch slapped him

**French Fry -** then Washington sucker punched him

**God? -** then we walked out

**Angel Schuyler -** where is he I will fight him.

**Little Lion -** i would prefer you didn't

**Angel Schuyler -** are you sure kiddo?

**Angel Schuyler -** I thought you said this didn’t happen when you were with other people

  
  


**Little Lion -** yeah hasn't happened in a while. 

**Little Lion -** It caught me guard but I'm fine

**Bebie Schuyler -** m y c h i l d

**Bebie Schuyler -** come here I am giving you a fucking hug 

**Mario.A -** WAIT

**Mario.A -** “in a while” ??!?!??!?!?!?

**Little Lion -** i dunno

**Little Lion -** i kinda just get cornered in bathrooms a lot

**Little Lion -** I’m small, which means easy victim i guess?

**Little Lion -** Angelica’s stopped it one time, thats why she knew and wanted to fight the dude

**MWash -** Come to me my child let your mother give you a fucking hug

**...**

**TJeffs -** now that we’ve all hugged Alex and there was a major cry fest by the bathrooms we should probably get back to our seats before we miss the beginning of the next song

**Mario.A -** bye bitches

**God? -** did? Did she just? Cartwheel away??

**Lizard Schuyler -** don’t question it

**Lizard Schuyler -** Bye motherfuckers!

**Angel Schuyler -** someone make sure Peggy doesn’t do anything dumb I have to go make sure they don't do anything dumb

**Bebie Schuyler -** I don't need a babysitter

**GWash -** we ran out of purse snacks so I’m biting the bullet and buying some who wants to come with me?

**Little Lion -** ME!!

**Bebie Schuyler -** ME!

**Real Sia -** lmao they both just jumped on washingtons back

**JMads -** alex just fucking s c r e a m e d “ONWARD” and peggy did that like, hand pointy thingy

  
**Angel Schuyler -** they’re literally like two years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID YOU LIKE IT  
> DO YOU HAVE TO PEE NOW  
> I REALLY HAD TO PEE WRITING THIS  
> okay sorry you Did Not need to know that
> 
> I would like to share that I got a comment on the last chapter that legit made me so happy that I had to hold myself back from posting this chapter a couple days ago so like, just so you know the way to get me to post early is by commenting because it makes me literally so so so so sosososososososososoososo s o happy!! That was a lil' bit dramatic but I think you get the point
> 
> ANYWHOOOO thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> \- Becca from Beyond  
> (love y'all <333)


	3. Act ll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A civics lesson from a slaver
> 
> TJeffs - FUCK OLD WHITE THOMAS JEFFERSON.
> 
> JMads - FUCK HIM.
> 
> Lizard Schuyler - I WILL PERSONALLY GO BACK IN TIME JUST TO FUCKING M U R D E R EVERYONE WHO OWNED SLAVES.
> 
> French Fry - DO IT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what up mother frickers. wow okay I am very mature, just saying. ANyways hope you like the new chapter! I'm posting it earlier then I was planning to bc the days before/after to 20 I won't be able to post so I'm posting a couple more a then I would have early as an I'm sorry
> 
> I should probably say now that Leave Bitch is Alex and Maria's private chat
> 
> The only trigger warning for this one is whats like, said in Act 2 but I still feel like pointing it out just incase cuz like, y'all matter to me y'all're really nice and you don't deserve to be triggered

**Fam Bam Group Chat**

**Angel Schuyler -** if y’all aren’t back to your seats in like 30 seconds you’re going to miss the beginning of the second act

**Little Lion -** we’RE COMING 

**Bebie Schuyler -** AND WE HAVE S O M U C H F O O D 

**Aaron Burr Sir -** oh god.

**MWash -** it’s starting shut up.

_ You simply must meet Thomas Thomas! _

**TJeffs -** IT’S MEEE

**TJeffs -** OH MY GOD MAGENTA IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE COLOR I’M SCREAMING

**TJeffs -** SHOULD I GET A CANE

**TJeffs -** SHOULD I BE T H A T DRAMATIC?????

**JMads -** lmao shut up

**TJeffs -** you’re just jealous that you can’t pull off magenta

_ Gotta be in Montecello _

**Johnny Appleseed -** isn’t that what your family calls that ilke, huge ass farm you own??

**TJeffs -** lmao yea

_ My friend James Madison red in the face _

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao is the actor coughing??

**Bebie Schuyler -** why is this so realistic it’s fucking creepy

**JMads -** ew I hate that so much.

_ Hamiltons new financial plan is nothing more the government control _

**TJeffs -** it is confirmed

**TJeffs -** i’m getting a cane for the sole purpose of walking like that everywhere I go

**Aaron Burr Sir -** what has my life become.

**TJeffs -** don’t hate me cuz u ain’t me

**JMads -** we’re breaking up.

_ Cuz I wrote ‘em _

**Real Sia -** lmao did he really just show up and quote himself and be like, wow thats a good job on my part

**Angel Schuyler -** thats something he would do too lmao

**TJeffs -** okay wow i’m being bullied

_ And it’s to many damn pages for any man to understand _

**God? -** as it everything alex writes

**Johnny Appleseed -** he once wrote a sixteen page paper on why pineapple belongs on pizza

**Angel Schuyler -** and now is the moment that I lose all self-respect for Alexander Hamilton

**Little Lion -** it’s gOOD OKAY

**Mario.A -** it really is

**JMads -** ew.

_ Thank you, Secretary Jefferson _

**French Fry -** that mic drop tho

_ Or stay mellow doin’ whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello _

**TJeffs -** that is james.

**Real Sia -** AROINFDQOLEKSDFHN

**JMads -** FAKE NEWS

**JMads -** Thomas is a bottom

**Little Lion -** SDOLIFNERDFGVJHKERFNWGER

**God? -** you’re one to talk alex

**TJeffs -** SROFNWERIFGDLAKSFJARLINGFERJ

**Aaron Burr Sir -** I know way to much about you people

**Angel Schuyler -** lmao don’t even start theo and I Talk a lot. I know all your secrets

**Lizard Schuyler -** QWKSDLFBILUEFBWIEFBASKDJFBB

**Maio.A -** Did you just want me to !! ???

**Bebie Schuyler -** THIS CONVERSATION NEEDS TO STOP RIGHT NOW 

**Bebie Schuyler -** I AM TO ASEXUAL TO EVEN BE NEAR HERE I WILL JUMP OFF A CLIFF

_ A civics lesson from a slaver _

**TJeffs -** FUCK OLD WHITE THOMAS JEFFERSON.

**JMads -** FUCK HIM.

**Lizard Schuyler -** I WILL PERSONALLY GO BACK IN TIME JUST TO FUCKING M U R D E R EVERYONE WHO OWNED SLAVES.

**French Fry -** DO IT.

_ While you were off getting high with the French _

**French Fry -** it is true

**French Fry -** the french get high a l o t

**Johnny Appleseed -** oh god.

_ Madison you mad as a hatter go take your medicine _

**JMads -** square up hamilton.

**Little Lion -** I’m down. Time and place motherfucker.

**JMads -** next week after we get coffee

**Little Lion -** ur ass better be there.

_ Sittin’ there useless as two shits _

**Little Lion -** its true.

**Little Lion -** u sux jeffershit

**TJeffs -** wow love you too

_ These Virginians are birds of a feather _

**GWash -** rude.

**TJeffs -** rude.

**JMads -** rude.

**MWash -** rude.

_ Sept huit neuf _

**Johnny Appleseed -** I thought I was dead??

**Real Sia -** it might be someone else because of the like, double casting and stuff

**Johnny Appleseed -** oooh makes sense

_ Another Scottish tragedy _

**Mario.A -** wait what was the first Scottish tragedy???

**Little Lion -** lmao I am a Scottish tragedy 

**Lizard Schuyler -** aLEX

_ I’ll be there in just a minute save my plate _

**God? -** welcome to Every. Single. Meal.

**Little Lion -** I’m not that bad

**French Fry -** yes you are

**Bebie Schuyler -** E x p o s e d 

_ Your son is nine years old today _

**Lizard Schuyler -** sON !! ??

**Little Lion -** SON!!!!!!#<!@>#:!>!?@#>WEETFOIJNPIREJKDSNGPW4EIGKJDFMX,C

_ I am a poet _

**Angel Schuyler -** Eliza rn *beat boxes maternally*

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao it seems like something she would do

**Lizard Schuyler -** I have done it multiple times

**Lizard Schuyler -** I used to do it for you both when we were kids

**Lizard Schuyler -** I still do it all the time for our siblings because I’m the only one in our family who can beatbox without sounding like a dying cat

**Bebie Schuyler -** HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER THAT NOW

**Angel Schuyler -** O H G O D 

**Mario.A -** what the fuck even happens at the Schuyler mansion?????

_ The Schuyler sisters _

**Bebie Schuyler -** whAT AM I?!?!!!??!?!?!?!??

**Bebie Schuyler -** THE NEIGHBOR?!!?!?!?!???!?!?!!!?

**JMads -** lmao someone’s salty

**Bebie Schuyler -** ASAKDFAODSIFNWELIJNFLFJKEFDSF

_ Take a break _

**Johnny Appleseed -** lmao only on like, a good day does that work 

**French Fry -** it requires a lot of effort on our part though

**God? -** normally we have to lure him out

**Bebie Schuyler -** A L E X H O N E Y

_ A bastard orphan _

**Little Lion -** true tho

**French Fry -** alright I’m scheduling your next therapy appointment right now.

**Johnny Appleseed -** I’m clearing our schedules for a Cuddle Day

**God? -** I am going to cuddle the shit out of him right now seeing as he’s on my lap now because apparently I’m comfier than john lmao sucker.

**Johnny Appleseed -** rude.

**Little Lion -** I was joking!!

**French Fry -** you say that like we can't tell you're lying

_ Miss Maria Reynolds _

**Mario.A -** ITS ME!!

_ My husbands doin’ me wrong _

_ Beatin’ me, cheatin’ me, mistreatin’ me _

**Mario.A -** wait.

**Lizard Schuyler -** Maria?

**Mario.A -** not everything in the musical is true apparently

* * *

**Leave Bitch**

**Little Lion -** are you okay?

**Mario.A -** yeah I just, feel bad lying

**Little Lion -** don’t feel bad

**Little Lion -** you can tell people when you’re ready

**Little Lion -** it might be today, it might be never, but its your choice

**Mario.A -** thank you

**Little Lion -** course

* * *

**Fam Bam Group Chat**

_ Let her legs spread and said stayyyy _

**Mario.A -** ew.

**Little Lion -** ew.

**Mario.A -** can we agree now to never have an affair?

**Little Lion -** definitely.

_ She looks so helpless _

**Angel Schuyler -** ah yes. The best reaction to a woman who needs help. Have sex with her.

**Little Lion -** I hate dead alexander hamilton now.

**JMads -** i think we all do.

**Lizard Schuyler -** we do.

_ How the sausage gets made _

**God? -** how does sausage get made??

**Real Sia -** It’s a fucking mystery

**TJeffs -** no one knows

_ Grandpa just lost his seat in the Senate _

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao wasn’t dad joking about running for senator??

**Lizard Schuyler -** okay good I thought I was the only one who thought that was fucking weird

**Angel Schuyler -** yeah i was thinking about that too

_ France is on the verge of war with England _

**French Fry -** the french revolution was a Dark time

**Angel Schuyler -** mood

_ Dresses like fake royalty _

**JMads -** you say while wearing all fucking magenta

**TJeffs -** I’m being attacked right now

_ Daddy’s calling _

**Little Lion -** he’s not my dad.

**GWash -** okay son

**Little Lion -** I’m not your son.

**Angel Schuyler -** Someone has daddy issues

**Little Lion -** We dOn’t tALK ABout thAt

_ Whatever it is Jefferson started it _

**Little Lion -** True.

 **Little Lion -** Most things are his fault

**TJeffs -** Hamilton I swear to god 

_ John Adams? _

**Mario.A -** ew I hate Adams so much

**French Fry -** he’s literally the worst

**GWash -** okay nice to know you all hate my teaching assistant so much

**Johnny Appleseed -** we really do

_ Calls him “Creole bastard” in his taunts  _

**Little Lion -** do you remember the time I punched Adams in the face

**Little Lion -** this is why

**Little Lion -** he not only called me a bastard but he insulted where I’m from

**Real Sia -** kill him.

**GWash -** please don’t that would mean I have to grade a l l your assignments

**Mario.A -** Oop-

_ As long as he can hold a pen he’s a threat _

**Little Lion -** that’s true.

**Little Lion -** be afraid.

**TJeffs -** no.

**Little Lion -** I will fucking bury you alive with my mother fucking pen

_ Run back where you come from _

**Little Lion -** how about, no.

**Bebie Schuyler -** if anyone tries to make my son leave the country I will burn them alive.

**Mario.A -** you’re still on that?

**Bebie Schuyler -** yes you’re both my children

_ In the eye of a hurricane, there is quiet  _

_ For just a moment _

**Little Lion -** and it’s fucking creepy

_ We were sick and she was holding me _

_ I couldn’t seem to die _

**MWash -** is alex crying?

**God? -** yes

**French Fry -** his mom is still really hard for him

**Mario.A -** I am giving him a hug right now. Idc if I have to climb over y’all I’m fucking doing it.

_ You have ruined our lives _

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh my god poor Dead Eliza

_ I hope that you burn _

**Real Sia -** he deserves it.

**JMads -** that fucker deserves to burn.

_ Where is my son! _

**TJeffs -** oh god

**Angel Schuyler -** please tell me he’s not about to die

**Real Sia -** this is not allowed to happen

_ Sept huit neuf _

**God? -** I am comiting murder he is not allowed to die

**Bebie Schuyler -** he’s such a baby

**Johnny Appleseed -** I swear to god I am going to go back in time and murder George Eacker he was so young

**Little Lion -** my Dead White Person kind of twin’s son

**Lizard Schuyler -** M y Dead White Person kind of twin you poor thing

**French Fry -** definitely not crying rn

_ His hair has gone grey _

**Little Lion -** okay sadness aside I found a grey hair yesterday and I am Not okay with this.

**TJeffs -** lmao loser

**Little Lion -** rude.

_ I learned that from you _

**Real Sia -** I feel like considering the events in Alexander Hamilton's life that is not a smart way to go

**Aaron Burr sir -** lmao yeah

_ Ha! Yeah right _

**Lizard Schuyler -** that laugh though oh god

**JMads -** he actually laughs like that it’s fucking hilarious but also kinda cute at the same time

**Bebie Schuyler -** mood

_ Guns, drawn. _

  
  


**Little Lion -** IS THIS WHERE BURR SHOOTS ME????!!?!?!?!??!?!!!?!!?!?

**Johnny Appleseed -** lmao i think so

**Aaron Burr Sir -** you deserved it.

**Little Lion -** rude.

_ This meetings at dawn _

**Mario.A -** dead eliza deserved better.

**God? -** she really did

_ Why if not to take deadly aim _

**French Fry -** what if his vision had just gotten worse?? And he just??? needed them to???? see?????? Things???????????

**Real Sia -** lmao aaron burr was just being a little bitch

_ I get a drink _

**JMads -** lmao the Only reaction to murdering someone

**Bebie Schuyler -** true

_ I put myself back in the narrative _

**Maro.A -** my queen

**Lizard Schuyler -** same

_ I speak out against slavery _

**_Angel Schuyler -_ ** oh my god what did this woman not do I fucking love her

_ *bowing* _

**TJeffs -** is it just over like that ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!

**Johnny Appleseed -** it can’t just fucking end like that my f e e l i n g s 

**MWash -** that was truly beautiful

**Little Lion -** I’m, screaming,

**Bebie Schuyler -** holy shit fam.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So know that it's over what did you think?? I was thinking maybe I would do a like, they meet the cast but I feel like that would be really awkward and forced?? Idk I might do it later and add another chapter to this in the future but rn its to be determined
> 
> oh yeah, y'all like the maria/alex friendship? I feel like they look out for each other and help each other out
> 
> Anyways hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna say thank you so so so so s o much for the comments and kudos and the love they literally make me so happy y'all!
> 
> The intermission and Act ll are ready to be published but like, I'm waiting till next week for the intermission chapter to like, give me more time to plan and stuff
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!!!  
> \- Becca from Beyond


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